good boy

i wonder

when they think about me,
do they only think about what i can offer?

when they talk about me,
do they only speak of the greatness i achieved?

when they see me,
do they only see the prizes i won?

’cause deep down i feel
i am still a little boy
who needs validation,
a nod to tell him it is okay
to be the opposite
of the man they think i need to be.

i am still a little boy
who’d be their perfect poster child,
but happened to spend most of his life
wearing a hat that squeezes his head,
dressing a shirt that hurts his heart.

a little boy afraid
to face the world facing him.
so he spent his time running, achieving,
and that’s what they only saw:

the good boy,
the one you tell your kids to be like.

turns out that good boy
is tired
of being that good.

begin again?

i see the look on your face
that bright smile
those enlightened eyes

a man of service
without even trying
you make me feel seen and heard

now i believe in timing
’cause wtf would’ve happened
if i’d actually met you six years ago

now i get to feel
that slow burn
i thought you’d only see in movies

i’m so used to rushing things
but thank god a man can be grounded
leading it slow, taking the time

unglued

feeling blued
but now unglued
my babe ran fast
thought it would last

severe cuts
through the heart
turned to dust
our world of loving art

photogenic smile
perfect dates
it was good for a while
until caught breaking plates

intoxicating
like a dream half-told
suffocating
now alone and cold

bounce back

writing all the things in my head
my thoughts are scattered like my room
’cause what we had is now dead
like a flower that could never bloom

i used to say i am strong
i trust myself on bouncing back
still cannot believe that that so long
was really meant to never look back

all my demons are calling me
every damn day and fucking night
so i talk with them negotiably
you know this time i wanna make it right

i collapse
i stand up
i relapse
i will never give up

haunted

heavy
my heart is heavy

lonely
this road is lonely

haunted
all i feel is haunted